Gayle H“I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.”
For those of you who are Star Wars fans, you know this line well. For those who aren’t as close to the force, this was the mantra that Chirrut Imwe used in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.
He was a blind man in the middle of a battle. Chaos surrounded him – people fighting, laser guns, the stealing of plans for the Death Star. Chaos!
And yet this blind man had to get from one end of the airstrip to the other to turn off the main power switch. Many men had tried to accomplish this before Chirrut but sadly failed. The fate of the Republic getting their hands on the plans lay at the feet of a blind old man.
Things were Out Of Control! But yet Chirrut, cool as a cucumber, takes his walking staff and starts across the airstrip. Slow and steady, one foot in front of the other, he walks. As he doges lasers, fighters, bombs, and other implements of war Chirrut maintains his calm by repeating, over and over…
“I am one with the Force and the Force is with me.”
Spoiler alert! He successfully crosses the airstrip and turns off the main power.
I don’t know about you, but every day in this ‘current normal’ feels a bit like trying to cross that airstrip. We all have some lasers/bombs/fighters/chaos in our lives right now.
Working from home.
Working more hours than we usually do.
Home schooling.
Unemployment.
Loss of income.
Cancel/postponement of big important life events.
Concern for self/loved ones.
Concern for those who we don’t even know but know have more chaos to deal with than us.
Our leadership.
I wake up every morning to my realities as you all do to yours. While they may be different, we are all dealing with something in our lives right now that is disruptive, chaotic, stressful, unprecedented.
Things are Out Of Control! So how do we find some sense of control in all of this chaos? How do we stop the lasers/bombs/craziness and get ourselves across that airstrip?
Well, the first thing I do is say to myself, “I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.” Then I smile, because I find it somewhat amusing that peace comes to me through a Star Wars reference.
But then I do a few other things to move myself from stress and worry to some semblance of calmness and control. Because stress and worry will only add to the chaos in my mind.
Remind Myself to Live In the Present
Here’s an interesting fact that I’ve learned since working with Thrive Global delivering corporate workshops and executive coaching.
Stress only exists when we think about something in the past or future. If you were to stop re-thinking what you’ve done, or worrying about what comes next, and simply sit for a moment in the present, you will find a moment of stress relief.
Don’t overanalyze what I’ve just said by wondering if you need to do anything special in that moment of presence. Because you don’t. You just have to stop thinking and be in the moment. I would recommend a deep breath, maybe close your eyes for a moment, but really you just have to stop.
In fact, if you are engaged in reading this blog right now, you are already experiencing what I’m talking about. You are in the present. See, so easy.
What I do in the morning, as my mind starts to rev up with worry about what the new day may hold – more sickness (maybe my family!), my business (will my clients ever have in person sessions/budget for my work!), other random items that are completely out of my control – I simply stop for moment. I literally tell myself to STOP. Be present.
And remind myself that right now. Right then. Right at that moment. Right that second. All is OK.
I don’t know what will happen going forward, but I do know one thing at that specific moment. I am OK.
I don’t say, “I will be OK”, or “I have been OK in the past” – I focus on the right now, I am OK.
And because I’m usually in bed when this is happening, I enjoy the warmness of my bed. The smell of the sheets. The amazingly comfortable pillow I have under my head. And how much I love the snoring man next to me. I wiggle my toes a little to enjoy the feeling even more.
There will be time to make my list of actions I can take to make things better. There will be time for me to remember that I’ve made it through tough situations before. There will be time for me to do all of that positive mindset work.
But for right now, I am OK.
There will be times during the day when I slip back into stress and worry, and when I get too far down that path, I just stop. Bring myself to present. And remind myself that right then, I am OK.
Yes, meditation, deep breathing, a walk outside – all great actions to help support your being present. Support your ‘I am OK’ statements. Decrease stress and worry. But if those are not accessible to you for whatever reason, don’t worry! Don’t do things that don’t feel right because they will only stress you out more.
Just stop. And tell yourself you are OK. Then move on. Once you get that, add the rest.
Let Go of Perfection
OK, you all know I LOVE perfection! I love doing things ‘right’. I love getting all of my work accomplished. I love order. I love control.
I easily get stressed out when I get derailed. Even if the situation is as small as the washing machine not finishing on time and I’ve taken a break to put the clothes in the dryer. I’m off schedule! I’m losing 5 minutes of writing! My whole day is disrupted. I just can’t function!
Seriously, that is a true example above.
But right now NOTHING is perfect. NOTHING!
We are so off of our perfection course! And, if you are anything like me, I’m going to bet you figured at the beginning of our quarantine time that YOU GOT THIS. Right?
Homeschooling. Working from home when not used to it. Being an essential worker and having to go to work when others are home to stay safe. Cooking healthy meals. Doing arts and crafts with the kids. Exercising at home.
Sure, things will be different, but I got this.
I don’t think I know anyone in my life right now who can say two months later that they got this. Yes, we’ve all learned and changed, and maybe formed some positive new habits, but do we really have our arms around our lives like we used to?
Nope. And we won’t. And we have to start feeling OK with that so that we can find some semblance of control in our out of control lives.
I find that articles that tell me to forgive myself or let it go are wonderful for other people, but I have a really hard time forgiving myself or letting it go. Because I know I can do this!
But we are in unprecedented times and I have tried to pick up this theme of letting go/forgiving myself as more of a ‘learning lessons’ about myself.
Lessons that will ultimately make me a more developed, evolved, well-rounded person. Because the idea that I’m not giving up but instead bettering myself is a concept that I, as a perfectionist, can get my head around!
And both ways of thinking get you to the same end – rolling with things, living in the present, learning to be ‘less than perfect’. Finding control when out of control.
So whatever way of thinking works for your wiring, employ that thought – nothing will be perfect right now, so what will you do about it? You’ll roll with it, like everyone else. Admitting that you are out of control is a great way to gain control over your situation.
Hold that thought – I have to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer.
Focus on What you CAN do
During times of uncertainty we spend most of our time focused on what we can’t do. Or what is being done to us. Or what is not right. Or what sucks.
But there is always something that you CAN do, in any bad situation, that is completely and entirely in your control.
Using Rj’s and my life at the moment as an example, we can very quickly find ourselves running faster and faster down the rabbit hole of ‘oh crap, what will we do about our businesses? Our lives?’ In fact, the other day I even had a moment when I wondered why the heck I left my corporate job 9 years ago!
Because right now I’d have a paycheck coming in on a regular basis. Oh yeah, and also be working 80 hours a week.
That was a moment of stress and anxiety. And while I could have continued getting myself, and Rj, worked up into a fairly depressive state, I stopped.
‘I am the Force and the Force is with me’.
So I sat down and focused on what I can do about my situation – not what I can’t, or what I should have, or what I don’t have control over.
I can write. I can do pro-bono work for my corporate clients who could really use my help in these times. I can continue to serve my individual clients with a whole heart and extra focus.
I can continue to work out (even if it’s in the living room). I can create fun new meals. I can connect with my family every day through text or Zoom.
Professionally, the work I do is so important during this pandemic crisis so I can keep doing what I do, through whatever channels I can. And while I am giving something to others, I am also keeping myself sharp, focused and evolving in my craft.
Personally I can continue to take care of myself, enjoy the fact that I have a few extra hours on my hands to read some books/listen to podcasts/watch Star Wars.
I do have control! Sure, it doesn’t look exactly like what I imagined it would right now, but whatever.
Find what you CAN do. Find what you think you can’t do but really can. Professionally maybe that is new ways of doing your work, connecting to colleagues, realizing that now you know how to manage through a pandemic (who would have thought we’d put that on our resumes!). Personally maybe that’s finding time to get outside in nature, having family dinners, watching too much TV.
Lasso those things you CAN do into your corral of control.
***
And always remember – You are the Force, and the Force is with you!
Gayle H
