Gayle HWhy are we so hard on ourselves?
We beat ourselves up daily because we aren’t perfect. Work an extra two hours on a project because good isn’t good enough. Deprive ourselves of that special dessert because we want to lose that last five pounds. Commit to another engagement because giving to others is ‘better’ than giving to ourselves. Constantly taking things away from ourselves, whether it’s time, desire or energy, is our way of being better, healthier people.
Sounds somewhat medieval and sadistic if you ask me.
Unfortunately, we are conditioned to respond to what we think we should do – not necessarily what we want to do to make us happy.
Because here is a reality – working extra hours will reduce quality of work, depriving ourselves of food we enjoy will result in overeating, and committing to another engagement vs. taking time for ourselves will make us cranky, which we will then project onto others and ruin their day.
So in fact, doing things that we want to do and make us happy really is what we should be doing!
I would like to propose a decidedly more fun (and sane) way of enjoying our lives and creating healthy habits. Give yourself something! Let’s turn all of this negative reinforcement on its head, and try some positive reinforcement. How about we add some great stuff to our everyday routines, and see if we can’t create some new habits that will last a lifetime.
For example, instead challenging yourself to give up soda for thirty days, challenge yourself to drink an extra glass of water every day for thirty days.
Maybe instead of that five-day-a-week exercise plan, try giving yourself thirty minutes every day to move your body in a way that feels good to you – walking, stretching, playing with your kids.
Before you work late into the night putting the ‘final touches’ on that project, try sending your work out as ‘draft’ and see what people think. My old boss used to say ‘Done is better than perfect’ – and she was always right.
After a few weeks of giving yourself healthy habits, you’ll begin to feel something wonderful happen – you won’t need, or want, those bad habits any more!
This theory is called ‘crowding out’.
As you add more good stuff to your life, you need more room in your life, so inevitably you’ll have to get rid of some old, bad stuff.
This concept is similar to the process of buying new clothes. After a while, your closet won’t be able to hold all of your new clothes, so you’ll have to go in and get rid of some of the old stuff – the clothes that don’t fit you any more and the colors that just don’t look good on you.
Sure, maybe you keep a few things around that you just can’t part with, a soda here and there, an extra glass of wine on weekends, or that nasty habit of checking your email on Sunday afternoons.
That’s OK. We’re human. And, you are much healthier now than you were thirty days ago. Health is a journey, not a destination.
Let’s be nice to ourselves. We only have one body, one mind, and one life. Why not treat them with care and respect? Eat to feel alive, not guilty. Exercise because you love your body, not because you hate your body. Live because you enjoy your life, not because you have to exist. Positively reinforce the good, and eventually you’ll crowd out the bad.
Maybe by treating yourself well, you’ll have better luck at creating healthy habits.
If You Do Nothing Else …
Try replacing one soda with a bottle of sparkling water. Same bubbles, a refreshing taste, and much better for you!
Gayle H
